This is my first ever posted story, so be gentle.

This story and website are free, but I do have one request. Feedback. Preferably constructive feedback. Posting only positive or negative feedback is much less useful than a constructive mix. I’m looking for:

What was strong? funny? doing its job.
What wasn’t doing its job? weak? confusing? boring?
Where did I make assumptions that you had trouble following?
Where was the story thin, lacking context?
Where was the story thick, too wordy?
Did anything seem inconsistent in the story line?

You’re not obligated to do any of that, of course. It’d help me tremendously, however. The whole purpose of this website is to help me work through this, after all.

Ok, without further ado I present the story itself.

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Yeah yeah. I know everybody is sooooo surprised to see a 3am post from me.

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*yawn* once again I’m writing into the middle of the night. Its a little after 4am, but the second draft is complete. I can’t believe it. This version is over four times as long as the first draft!

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*yawn* Why do I always seem to write this late at night? The second draft has begun. Its by no means complete and won’t be completed tonight, but I have started it.

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At 2:30am (Wednesday morning) 15 December 2004, I completed my first draft of my first very short story. Total work time was approximately 3 hours and the story ended up being approximately 1700 words long.

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